For arguments sake, let's say there is a woman married to a recovered alcoholic. He was an alcoholic but he has repented and she has forgiven him. You go to her house for dinner and you're early. Her husband hasn't come home yet, but the dinner's already on the table. There as one of the beverages for the night is wine. You ask the woman, "I thought your husband wasn't drinking anymore." "He's doesn't." "Well, I don't drink. Who's the wine for?" "Nobody. I just bring it home every once in a while. My husband won't drink it because he's repented and I forgive him."
This story doesn't even make sense right? What woman in her right mind would do that? It's just mean. A recovering alcoholic should not have to face his worst temptation every night to show that he has repented and the spouse shouldn't be throwing the temptation in his face every night to show that she forgives him. It just doesn't make sense.
What if the husband's problem wasn't alcohol? What if it was pornography? Should the wife be going to get him porn and putting it on the table for him? It wouldn't make sense, right? That would be idiotic. What if it's sexual abuse. If a child has been sexually abused by her father, when that child grows up, should she let her father take care of her children to show that she has forgiven? Well, what if the temptation is verbal and physical abuse and the temptation is his (or her because you know that happens too) spouse? What if a man is verbally abusive to his spouse? Should that spouse have to put herself (the temptation to commit the sin) in front of her husband every night to show that she has forgiven him? (I can feel some eyebrows rising and thoughts coming to the mind "That's different".) That's what A's father defines forgiveness as.
Every situation is different. My argument now is that forgiveness is not being an idiot as many perpetrators define it to be. If I go back into an abusive situation or let my children grow up in an abusive environment to show that I am a forgiving person... then I'm an IDIOT. I'm just saying what forgiveness isn't.
1 comments:
I completely agree. There is a definite difference between forgiveness and protecting ourselves from future problems. For me this happens a lot emotionally. There are certain people who have hurt me extensively over a period of years. Now, they are family so have I cut them off? No. But do I search out opportunities to be around them and incur more hurt, certainly not.
I notice that some people just don't get that. They really do think that forgiving means opening yourself completely up again and again. I think we all need to be smart enough to learn from past experiences and though we may forgive we also need to learn to protect ourselves.
The pioneers were constantly persecuted. The Lord did not leave them in an area and say, "Buck up, forgive, etc." He taught them forgiveness and then led them to another area to try again. He even removed them from the situation (repeatedly) as you have suggested in your post.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and study. I can tell how deeply this has touched your heart.
Love you!
Post a Comment