So what IS forgiveness?

My material today comes from this talk. President Sorensen says in this talk, among other things:

1. Forgiveness means that problems of the past no longer dictate our destinies, and we can focus on the future with God’s love in our hearts.

2. Forgiveness does not require us to accept or tolerate evil. It does not require us to ignore the wrong that we see in the world around us or in our own lives. But as we fight against sin, we must not allow hatred or anger to control our thoughts or actions.

3. A woman who is abused should not seek revenge, but neither should she feel that she cannot take steps to prevent further abuse.

This story sites the example of Joseph of Egypt. He was sold into Egypt by his abusive brothers and suffered many injustices and trials because of that action. But he forgave his brothers instead of nursing the desire to seek revenge which he could have been planning while he was in jail. The following is my own interpretation of that story so take it for what it's worth. I believe that Joseph forgave his brothers long before he ever saw them in Egypt, which is why he didn't waste his time making plans for revenge. He set aside his anger, gave the responsibility to decide how much justice and mercy should be met back to God so he could focus on his own future instead of theirs. But if that is the case then why didn't he just reveal himself the first time he saw them in Egypt? Why did he go through the procedure of sending them back for Benjamin and then making Benjamin appear a thief, etc. He wanted to know whether they had changed before he revealed himself to them as their brother, right? But why? A's father would say he forgave them so he should just be their friends. Forgiveness should not be contingent on whether they had repented. So why did he take such trouble to see if they were repentant before he revealed himself?

Well if my analysis of this story is correct then Joseph's forgiveness was not contingent on his brothers' repentance. Only the continuation of a close relationship with his brothers was contingent on their repentance.

I would like to also note that (once again if I have interpreted the story correctly) Joseph's forgiveness did not affect his brothers lives in the least. They were not around or even have an idea where Joseph was when the forgiveness was extended. Christ wants us to forgive, but in many cases the offender has no idea that he/she has offended. Why does forgiveness need to be extended in this case? It's to free the offended, not the offender.

I once received a note from someone who hurt me deeply with a written plea, "I need your forgiveness." That plea was and is infuriating to me. And this is one of the things that I screamed at A's father. An offender does not need forgiveness from the offended person. The only person they need forgiveness from their Heavenly Father, which, granted, does require ASKING forgiveness from the offended as opposed to DEMANDING forgiveness as my offender and A's father had done. Forgiveness is a process and a gift meant to free the offended, not the offender.